Surviving A Break-Up

Surviving A Break-Up

Once we break up with a close person, it’s always a painful experience we cope with differently. Some of us require more time to get over a loss, others less. Nevertheless, regardless of the pain we are going through, parting always gives us a possibility to grow, discover ourselves, and become stronger.

He/she has left me

Hide or throw away all things reminding about him/her. Burn the photos. Do something he/she couldn’t stand. Buy new bed linen. Start boxing. Go to another country. Make a modern haircut. Promise oneself to smile no matter how difficult it may be. Make Buddhism your life philosophy: everything in our life is fleeting, the source of our suffering is clinging to people and things, we should learn to let them go.

There is no universal advice on how we can survive a break-up or quit a toxic relationship, but there is the experience of people who have survived this trial and found enough strength to move forward. Here are the main points.

Once you’ve reached the bottom, there is only one way — up.

When the final moment of a crisis comes and we break up with a close person, we understand we are at the bottom. Realizing the notion of being “at the bottom” we start to see clearly that it doesn’t define our whole life – we have to move on. We are stronger than the emotions we feel, and we shouldn’t let them take control over us.

Do something for yourself

In a relationship, we tend to think about another person and frequently forget about ourselves. Therefore, after breaking up, it’s a healthy practice to listen to yourself and start doing what you’ve always wanted to. How often have you sacrificed your interests for the partner’s sake? What desires have you repressed not to make your partner feel angry or offended?

When we calm down a bit, we cannot but notice that we’ve never felt so free and we’ve never been at such peace with ourselves. It seems that we have been born again. Looking back, we clearly understand what we can allow in a relationship and what we will never accept.

Be your own support

The end of a relationship causes severe pain as if you were physically injured. That’s why, during the first days after a divorce, you may take painkillers to relieve the suffering of your soul. To get through a break-up, you have to learn to indulge yourself. Be careful to yourself, practice the things that make you happy. Do the things you are good at, that raise up your mood, inspire you, and make feel stronger.

Let’s remember what our caring parents or grandparents did when we were disappointed as children? They would come close and cheer us up, we would sit on their lap listening to a fascinating story… Getting older, we can be the source of love we received from reliable and empathetic parents as children.  In other words, become the best friend for yourself so that you will always have somebody to rely on and not feel lonely.

Don’t reproach yourself

If you are a victim of a break-up, your self-esteem is likely to lower; once it was your desire to break up, you may be tormented by a feeling of guilt. We consider the things that are happening as a defeat, get angry, and feel ashamed since our hopes and dreams have crashed down. It’s important to forgive yourself for everything you have and haven’t done in a relationship. Likewise, you have to forgive a partner. Make use of all positive and negative moments of a previous relationship. Anger and resentment are unproductive emotions that prevent us from moving forward. The sooner you get rid of them, the easier it would be to break love dependence, and the better you will feel.

Whose guilt?

No one is guilty that a relationship failed. As researches prove, we tend to engage in a relationship with people who have the opposite world outlook. Why does it happen so?

Everyone knows what features they want their partner to possess, but we often make the wrong choice and pretend not to notice the things we find repulsive. According to psychologists, the reason is that we don’t like rejecting others and making them suffer. In the course of time, as a relationship develops it becomes harder and harder to quit. As a result, we get bound with a complete stranger.  

To make a union happy, it’s important not to be afraid to be vulnerable and forgive yourself for the pain you may cause in others’ soul by your rejection – it’s inevitable. Remember that you don’t have to please others. It’s your life, your choices, and your fate. Have the courage to lead a life you want.

Hug a nice person

The less we love, the more we require others to love us. Try to shift the focus of attention from your feelings to people around you. The point is that love isn’t only a romantic feeling; we can love parents, children, friends, pets. As Oprah Winfrey believes, “there is always a possibility to love – just start noticing the life around. Children, neighbors, friends, even strangers on the street need your attention, human warmth, and communication.”

Remember you aren’t alone

You aren’t the first and the last to suffer – a lot of people have felt the same pain suffering from a love dependence. Think about the fact that smart, reasonable, kind, famous, and ordinary men and women have also gone through painful divorces, betrayals, and suffered from depression. If they have managed to go through, you will also manage to become happy again.

That’s the main conclusion of any break-up – it makes us stronger and closer to the understanding of our true nature – what can be better? Bet you know the saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” right? That’s what it’s about. God doesn’t give us the burden we cannot carry so that we should be grateful for any experience and lesson life offers.    

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