What happens when we finally meet somebody we like? Our heart starts beating faster, his/her touch may make us faint, and those butterflies in the stomach simply drive us insane…We breathe out “Finally! I’ve found my only one!” and start imagining our pink future. We start dating, and then suddenly a question arises: “Why do his/her manners irritate me so much? The way he/she eats, speaks, laughs, etc.” Perhaps, this is not my person. So, are there any unique means to check if a person is your best match?
Surely, there are! Let’s consider them in detail.
Is a partner truly yours?
In the first place, psychologists suggest to pay attention to the way a person behaves in everyday life. The best variant is to co-habit with somebody you like to see what habits they have and if you can stand them. Should you see your partner every day, you can learn them well enough, their habits, peculiarities and hidden potential. It may happen that their flaws may turn out to be their virtues, or vice versa, some traits may be impossible for you to put up with.
Thus, our perfect matches are people who we can stand in any state, be they drunk, angry, obese or too thin, boring, noisy, disappointed, etc. Also, it may happen that you will find out some most unexpected traits of your partner. Imagine that your partner cannot fix any shelf or tap in a house. Would you be able to forgive this flaw if he earns a lot of money or plays several musical instruments? Just be honest with yourself and your partner. The earlier you express all your doubts and anxieties, the better for you both.
The Danger of Pink Expectations
Very often, we can find the following criteria for our perfect match. First, we feel well and easy by their side; second, our relationship brings only joy. Everything is so simple, right? What can be easier? However, this is where the danger lies. We are talking about real life, nor fairy tales! Now, let’s consider the following fact. In order to attract an appropriate person into our life, we need to become self-sufficient ourselves! Can we say that we are in harmony with ourselves? What about our fears, illnesses, doubts, insecurities, etc.? As you see, it is not that easy to be in peace with own self, so how can we demand that from a relationship with another person?
Why are such expectations dangerous?
In the first place, they have nothing to do with reality.
Secondly, they prevent your “special” partner from entering your life.
Thirdly, there are no easy and absolutely happy relationships! If you desperately believe in this, sooner or later life will prove you the opposite. We are humans, not characters of fairytales. Difficult, strange, unique, not always nice. That’s the way life functions.
Сriteria for the right person
- The right person seems your old acquaintance. With them, you don’t feel easy and fine, but you feel you can be yourself. You are not playing any role, are not afraid of looking funny or being misunderstood. You are sure that they will understand you or feel your state. Also, keep in mind that beside your perfect match, you can talk about intimate things you cannot share with others. The feeling of utmost trust is one of the key indicators of your person.
- The right person makes you absolutely sincere. You don’t want to lie to them. Not because these people are so nice, but because they see through your soul. They know when you are lying and why you are doing that. So, you don’t have even the slightest desire to fool truly your person.
- Flaws of the right person don’t seem so awful. Their strong points, on the contrary, do not irritate, cause no envy but become the object of proud! If you want to check whether the person is really yours, check them with your success. The right person will be sincerely happy for your achievements and selflessly help you when you feel disappointed or defeated.
- The right person is far from ideal. They may have too many flaws. They can be losers, too strange or mild by character, and so on. Other people may judge them too severely or tell terrible things about them. But you don’t care about this. What really worries you is why they are keeping silent, absent from your life, or their troubles which you consider yours as well.
- The right person matters to you, and you matter to them. Even if you have a not ideal posture, character or social status. They may be difficult to deal with, but they will come to your rescue without personal interest in mind. You would do the same. And nobody will consider it as a sacrifice or favor that necessarily demands gratitude. It happens naturally, just like the sun shines, because it cannot emit raindrops instead of warmth.
- The right person is the one your heart feels and the one you cannot mix up with anybody else. Do not wonder if you simultaneously think of the same things and speak them aloud. Within two connected souls, there establishes as if an invisible bound that cannot be broken by distance or temporary misunderstandings.
To conclude, our soulmates do exist. All we need is to be patient and attentive enough not to overlook our happiness. To do this, we have to learn some basic things. First, let’s realize that we have no moral right to use others to make us happy. If you want somebody to love you, you have to learn to love yourself first and become interesting for yourself. This way, you will attract a perfect match not because you need to become happy but because such a versatile person needs somebody to share their inner wealth with.
Secondly, do not forget that there are no perfect people. But there are those who we are ready to accept as they are and love with all their flaws possible. Last but not least, always listen to your heart. Your mind may make mistakes because we are social beings with a set of “correct” values and patterns of behavior, but our intuition reflects our true wishes.
